My mind had been hurdling through meaningless space with nothing to hold on to. It was a horror to contemplate existence with no meaning. I was in torment. There was a constant fear that I was slipping into madness.

Then Soundness and Clarity came.

When I first encountered God, I recall telling Him, “ If you are there, you will have to hold on to me. I will not lie to myself, I need a real God or nothing at all.”

Only a few months into my encounter with God I was sitting in a theater in Hollywood watching Woody Allen's Interiors. The movie fueled the familiar torment of meaninglessness. I felt I was again fighting madness. I thought I had been fooling myself, this God thing hadn't been real. Out of nowhere, I suddenly knew I was under a kind of attack-- the raging stopped. I knew nothing yet about spiritual battles, dark forces, or the voice of God. Yet, there it was.

There was no denying His presence, it was palpable. I learned to expect to hear him answer when I called out to him.  I then became so sure of his goodness, when he seemingly hadn't answered, I knew to wait. I realized nothing or no one, not even my own weakness, could hinder His purpose for my life—God was with me.

C.S. Lewis said those who follow God are accused of being satisfied with too little. On the contrary, it is those who don't seek Him who are satisfied with mere stuff.

Am I being mystical? A sterile religion frightens me. It is a monstrosity, just as any walking dead thing would be. It would never have been enough.

I don't want to become so sophisticated that I forget what happened over two thousand years ago. God, in form of a man, walked the earth and created a bridge between heaven and earth.